Farmers who wrote poems in the fast hand: use poems to open a breathtake for life
Reporter Liu Mengni
Han Shimei’s day starts at 6 am.After getting up, she rushed to a nearby factory to cook for the workers there. Three meals a day, and she had to clean it. In addition to the Spring Festival, the annual revenue was 2,800 yuan.In addition, the farm work of 12 acres of land and various housework almost filled her life.Only when she picked up her mobile phone to write a poem or communicate with the netizens in the fast hands, can she get a moment of breath.
"I do n’t know how hard it is to live with the tree, and I do n’t know how much it hurts to live with the wall." "I have suffered the suffering of women who can’t eat, and I am helpless.Twilight.On the Internet, she was unwilling to fate.
"Wan Dao Mountains are stacked with barriers, and the meaning is accompanied by mountain spring".When concepting poems, her eyes are no longer limited to factories, farmland, and houses with three o’clock lines, but they crossed the loess of rural Henan to outline the beauty of the broader world.
"Although they look at each other in the same bed, they are speechless to the cold of the heart."When writing poems, she can finally be a real herself, telling her inner pain, rather than silently worried about her wife, mother, and daughter -in -law who is silent in real life.
Han Shimei managed what he wrote "smoothly", saying that he was "blinding".But of the more than 100 works she posted on the fast hands, there are hundreds of likes and comments under each song.
"The heart is exhausted into a ray of smoke/flying towards the tall blue sky … the sunlight tells me/when I am covered by the clouds/will work hard to bring you a trace of warmth."On March 2nd, by the invitation of the "Reading Poetry for You", Han Shimei used her Mandarin with a strong Henan accent to read her work "Heart Language" aloud her work.Some netizens left a message: "As soon as the poet’s voice came out, the eyes were moist. The toughness and tension of life made me have to admire and love it."
Han Shimei, 50, is an ordinary peasant woman in Xichuan County, Nanyang City, Henan Province.If it wasn’t for writing poems on the fast hands and expressing herself back, her life’s sky will always be the same as ordinary peasant women in Henan.She even felt lower and more depressed.During the interview, when she talked about her life and fate, she sighed several times.
"No one can appreciate the mood of my life"
"If I keep reading the book, I should have the opportunity to become a real poet."
Han Shimei did not deny his resentment for his mother.
Because she was born on her head, she was identified as a filial piety by her mother, and was almost drowned in the urine barrel. She rescued her with her father and two sisters.In the days when his mother died in 2005, in the days of sickness, Han Shimei took care of the six children."Hate and hate, after all, there is the grace of raising." Han Shimei said.
But her resentment for her mother was not because of this storm at birth."I was destroyed by her in my life." When studying, Han Shimei’s grades were very good. Each test was the top of the class, but half the second in the second day, and he dropped out of school under the forced mother of his mother.
This hidden pain has been buried in Han Shimei’s heart. After marriage for a long time, she often has the same dream, dreams of herself continuing to study, and admitted to college."Later, I didn’t have such a dream."
"If I keep reading the book, I should have the opportunity to become a real poet." Many years have passed, and Han Shimei still has deep regrets.
At the age of 19, the mother received 3,000 yuan in color gifts, forcing Han Shimei to marry a man with a slight obstacle.In rural Henan in the early 1990s, 3,000 yuan can be said to be a huge sum.Han Shimei did not want to marry the "unable to communicate" man. She found various reasons for 3 years and resisted for 3 years. She still failed to twist her mother.The money that got married turned into a few new tile houses in the maiden family, and the younger brother also said that he had daughter -in -law.
Not just her, her three sisters’ marriage, as in her words, was also "one -handed" by her mother, and also received a different amount of gifts.
Marrying Han Shimei let her husband’s house bears huge debts. In those years, the number of people who asked for accounts was endless.In order to repay the account, Han Shimei planted peppers and entered the factory to work. From the morning to the morning to the night, he did not rest for a moment, and his feet were swollen.She even had a man with a man. She had to push the road and pushed more than 100 vehicles a day. She also tied steel bars and intercepted steel bars. At that time, there were 4 women in the village, and only Han Shimei insisted on it.
"As long as you can make money, I am willing to do anything." Bitter and tiredness could not be exchanged for a comfortable life.Coupled with taking care of a family, it is difficult for Han Shimei to breathe for more than 20 years.
Regardless of what happened, Han Shimei was worried about in the family.The reinforced concrete needed for building a house was to buy by Zhang Luo; the labor force required for building a house was to ask for it; even looking for relatives and friends to borrow money, she also came forward.In the past few years in the factory, the peak season often needs to work overtime. One day Han Shimei was busy returning home at 12 o’clock at night. Her husband had been waiting for her to come back for dinner."He didn’t do any housework. Once I quarreled with him, I didn’t help him wash clothes for a month, and his clothes really didn’t wash it for a month."
When the father -in -law was sick, Han Shimei took him to the hospital to take care of him. Even if the husband followed, he couldn’t help it."Let him hold his father -in -law to get out of bed, he will not hold the meeting, always holding his father -in -law to slide." Last year, the father -in -law died, and the funeral was also worrying about Zhang Luo alone.
Husbands still liked gambling in those years.Han Shimei was very impressed. In the 1990s, her husband lost 180 yuan a night, "often three people won him alone."In addition to the debt owed at home and cope with living expenses, Han Shimei also had to repay the debt for her husband.
The silence in her husband also desperate Han Shimei."He doesn’t like to talk, doesn’t understand people, and doesn’t hurt people." At 5 am a day, Han Shimei sent such a dynamic on the fast hands. "I do n’t know how hard it is to live with the tree.Pain, no one can appreciate my life, cry without tears, and want to speak without words. "
The closest person co -woven "net"
Mother, husband, and son should be the most closest to Han Shimei’s life, but most of her life is closely related to them
It was her son that made Han Shimei more excited.
Han Shimei has a child and a daughter. She has two children in such a family. She has suffered a lot."I was working until my child was born, and my belly was still kneeling in the ground. On the day of my daughter, I saw the red in the morning. I went to wash my clothes and my daughter was born at night."
Han Shimei, who was forced to drop out, attached great importance to the children’s learning.When the two children were sent to the county middle school 70 or 80 kilometers, the two children were better in teaching, but it also meant more money.His son was admitted to the computer major in Zhengzhou Light Industry University. He was her pride. I did not expect that after graduating from college, she wanted to find a job in a larger company, but she was often blocked by the shadow of the lungs.Han Shimei recalled that when his son was three or four months old, his stomach was sick, and the shadow of the lungs was left at that time.The doctors in the large hospital said that there was no effect on health, but I did not expect to be a hurdle to find a good job.
The disheartened son later returned to his hometown. Han Shimei found him an electrician job in the factory where he was cooking. He wanted to let him learn a skill, but after just one month or three days, the son did not want to do it anymore.EssenceWhen Han Shimei remembered the future of her son, she was worried. When I talked about this topic during the interview, she sighed to reporters many times, "Is this university Bai Nian?" "? "
On November 24, 2020, Han Shimei’s fast hands had a rare text.She posted a picture of her son’s wedding scene and attached a poem, "Golden Branches and jade leaves a flower, marry into the Wang family and send the family.In dynamics, Han Shimei said, "September 16, 2020 is the day of my son’s wedding. Half of the sourness and bitterness of life was rushed out of this festive day, leaving only joy in my heart."
Where did Han Shimei know at that time? The next direction of her son’s marriage almost overwhelmed her.
The bride was very beautiful. After spending a lot of money to meet the girl, her son fancy, and Han Shimei was also very satisfied.For the marriage of his son, Han Shimei spent more than 300,000 yuan before and after. Meeting gifts, weddings, matchmakers, colorful gifts, three golds, weddings, each of them had money, the family was deposited 100,000 yuan, and relatives also borrowed from relatives.More than 200,000 yuan.
I did not expect that the wedding had just been held for more than two months, and the young couple who had not had time to get a marriage certificate for the Civil Affairs Bureau had separated, and separated because of trivial matters. The daughter -in -law also removed the child who was pregnant.The woman’s family returned 230,000 yuan.But the wedding, matchmaker, etc. have spent 10,000 yuan, and almost empty the entire home.
Even so, Han Shimei did not dare to force her son to reconcile with the girl. She was worried that her mother’s tragedy caused by her marriage package was repeated in the next generation.
So far, the dynamics full of joy are still on Han Shimei’s fast hands.After the son broke up with the girl, there were still netizens left a message: "Congratulations to the talented sister, happy nephew, happy wedding, a hundred years of good combination, early birth of noble son." Han Shimei replied: "Thank you for your blessings."
The frustrated son recently went to Guangzhou, hoping to find new opportunities in big cities.According to Han Shimei, his son was ready to report to a company.
Mother, husband, and son should be the most closest to Han Shimei’s life, but most of her life is closely related to them. They accidentally woven the net and trap Han Shimei in it.
The poem opened the "window" for her
When conceived poems, she can no longer think of all kinds of troubles in life.As if the suffocating life space was opened, she finally could find out in a heavy life to breathe out.
"I often feel that I am a person without a soul." Han Shimei, who was pressed under his life, could only get a trace of breath in the poem.
Han Shimei was able to "make up a poem" when she was in the fifth grade of elementary school. After dropping out of school, she could still read the book in her mother’s house.After marriage, the pressure of life came, and she never read a page of books.
In April 2020, Han Shimei opened her hands with a smart phone eliminated by her son. When she saw someone writing poems, she explored and used her fast -handed app, trying to write a post.
"Who is empty in my heart, who is so desolate, who is two lines in tears, who always carries things …" This is the first work of Han Shimei on the fast hands. She told reporters that this "smooth mouth is smooth"It was the true portrayal of my heart at that time.
Now Han Shimei has published hundreds of poems on the fast hands. She usually gets inspiration to write poems from videos and photos sent by netizens.She once looked at a photo, and wrote several poems about spring: "The clouds cover the moon and the moon is bright, and the spring encounters the drizzle."The waves are welcoming the spring breeze layer. "She watched a photo at night and wrote:" The blue sky clouds are like a yarn, the jungle reflects the Xiaxia. "She looked at a photo in the sunset and wrote:" The moon hidden star is brighter, the wind blows the wind, the wind blowsLow eyebrows. "She watched a photo of a lake and wrote:" Infathers in exchange for late winds, drunk lying on the sun and dreaming thousands of times "…
By writing poems, Han Shimei also talked about the mood that people around the people in daily life: "The past becomes a dream, and the bells are still crying without tears."May I really love a game, I know my heart to appreciate my Fang, and complain about each other. "In the small world of poetry, she is more like a pure woman, rather than living with a wife, mother, daughter -in -law who does not live under heavy pressure.Essence
Under each of her poems, there are usually many fast -moving works of fast -handed poets, as well as the praise and comments of more netizens."Novelty and ingenuity" "I like you, I really write well, and I have brought me a lot of strength." "It’s really great! Such a romantic heart, the world you see must be beautiful" …
For Han Shimei, writing poems itself is pure relaxation and happiness.When conceived poems, she can no longer think of all kinds of troubles in life.As if the suffocating life space was opened, she finally could find out in a heavy life.In the exchange with netizens and poet friends, poetry with people is praised by others, and she is also the happiness she has never had in real life.
As the number of people in the exchange increase, some poet friends took the initiative to send private messages to Han Shimei, and proposed that she could teach her to write poems for free, including Ping 仄 and grid.Han Shimei has tried to write poems according to the requirements of enthusiastic poet friends, but feels too restrained."My life has been restrained so powerful, I want to be free to write poems, write freely, and share it at will."
However, writing poems on the fast hands cannot make up for real life."When writing poems, you can forget a lot of unhappiness, but you will think of it as soon as you stop." Han Shimei told reporters, "It’s not that you can’t live now, but those things at home will cry when you think about it."
Even in the past years, there are many unsuccessful and difficulties, Han Shimei has her self -esteem and persistence.When his son went to college, he could have opened a certificate of poverty -stricken students in the village, so that he could get 5,000 yuan for subsidies.Han Shimei told his son: "Forget it, we don’t, we are not really poor at home, we can make money by ourselves.
I hope that children can have a different life
She never thought about going farther, she chose to be willing to be bound at home, just hopes that children can have a different life
In Han Shimei’s view, her daughter is the most sensible and most distressed at home."She once said to me, Mom, I’m all big, what happened to me in the future. In a few years, I can make money, and you don’t have to be so tired."
His daughter also supports Han Shimei to write poems on the fast hands. She encourages Han Shimei, "Mom, you can do something you want to do, as long as you can be happy." The daughter is the only person in the family who will read her mother’s poem.To Han Shimei, "Mom, you really write, I can’t think of these sentences."
Han Shimei’s daughter is now in high school in Xichuan County Key Middle School. In the future, she wants to be a teacher.Han Shimei told reporters that no matter how much her daughter reads, she will provide it. She will never forget the pain of her academic interruption, and hopes that her daughter can change her destiny through learning.
Regarding her daughter’s future marriage, Han Shimei said that she must fully respect her daughter’s own opinions. She will never intervene, and she will not ask for high gifts, as long as there is this program."I can’t take my mother’s road and kill people." She said, "I am a daughter, and I am not a daughter."
Today, adult children have seen her mother so hard and support her divorce, but she can’t bear to leave the house.In the past year, my husband has begun to rely on her. "Sometimes I want to go to my daughter’s room to sleep at night.","
"Women must find someone you love to remarry, otherwise it will be blind in this life." Han Shimei had sent such a dynamic on the fast hands, but in her opinion, how bad the husband would be, it was still a ""Kind people", "He is like a less long child, I really leave, he is pitiful."Since his son went to the county to study in a middle school in 2007, the husband finally did not bet. Now his husband has worked as a worker in the factory where Han Shimei cooks."All the money you make will be given to me," Han Shimei said.
But her husband still doesn’t talk much about her affairs, and she can’t understand the poems written by Han Shimei and her inner pain."We have nothing to say together at night, I write my poems myself." Han Shimei said.
Han Shimei decided to live like this. "This is a home that I worked hard by myself. I can’t destroy it by myself." Except for the old home of Baokang, Hubei, in the age of 18, she went to the farthest place in her life.It is Nanyang City, or to accompany the family to see a doctor.But she never thought about going farther. She chose to be willing to be bound at home, and only hoped that children could have a different life.
Source: Xinhua Daily Telecom